Can't Lose Another
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: <html><head></head>Mayday! Truck 81 has crashed! As he rushes to Casey's side will Severide be able to remain objective? Or will he finally face what really frightens him? Losing another friend. Losing Casey. Based off eppy 3.03 'Just Drive the Truck' Contains some spoilers</html>


**Title: Can't Lose Another **

**Summary: **Mayday! Truck 81 has crashed! As he rushes to Casey's side will Severide be able to remain objective? Or will he finally face what really frightens him? Losing another friend. Losing Casey. Based off eppy 3.03 'Just Drive the Truck' Contains some spoilers

**Disclaimer: **Chicago Fire and its characters are the property of Dick Wolfe, NBC and….well sadly not me if so then the ever yummy Lt. Casey would be all mine and we'd have a few sweet broments EVERY single eppy!

**A/N:** So I was once again disappointed that our #teamsevasey broments seem to be dwindling and the writers are falling back into bad habits despite promising us a season filled with growing friendship. So we had to correct that for you all this week and expand upon the crash scene. Enjoy.

_Note: "Words in double quotes and italics taken directly from the eppy" (as always 'single quotes recall memories/flashbacks' and italics only are thoughts)_

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><p><em>'First watch says he's been sleeping at the House…'<em>

_'I'll check on him.'_

Casey remembers the discussion with Hermann and frowns as he looks at his weary reflection in the mirror early that morning. Severide hadn't come home again last night and he's about ready to call him on his fallacy about staying at Detective Erin Lindsay's when he's been seen by a few sleeping at the Firehouse. When Severide had disappeared for a month he had let it go to long before saying anything. He had learned from that mistake and wasn't going to make another.

He had purposely set his alarm early so as to get up and get into the Firehouse before anyone else on his team and check on his absent friend. On the drive to the Firehouse, Casey's mind tries to think of what he'll say to his friend without coming off as sounding confrontational or too mothering.

"Ah to hell with it," Casey sighs as he stops his truck and heads for the backdoor of Firehouse 51. He lets himself into the back and heads for the locker room first to drop his bag and then head into the sleeping quarters. Casey's eyes start to check out the first beds and at first he wonders if Hermann's report was correct. But just before he turns away, his ears hear a familiar huff and he takes a few more steps in, looking at Severide as he turns off and then disappears from view as one of the sideboards masks the outline of his frame.

With a worried glance, Casey quietly heads toward Severide, not wanting to wake him just yet but to settle in and wait until he awakens and then question him about why he's not using his home as provided.

But Severide surprises Casey by opening his eyes and looking up with a frown. "Damn," he softly curses as Casey eases himself down onto the bed opposite and looks at Severide in concern. "Who um…told you?" Severide asks him in haste as he struggles to sit up.

"Few of the guys. But why didn't you tell me you weren't at Lindsay's?"

"Matt…damn man I'm sorry I just…I just gotta deal with this on my own you know? And me coming home drunk at 4 am isn't something I'm sure you want to deal with."

"You have a spare key right?"

"This was just easier," Severide tries to keep up his excuses.

"I get you think you need to do this alone but I said you could stay with…"

"I appreciate that but this…it was just easier okay?" Severide retorts with a small hiss, before he realizes his pitch has raised and he quickly drops it back down to a whisper. "You said I could come and go as I please," he reminds Casey with a hard edge to his jaw.

"I did but…look I'm worried okay. This isn't a good way to keep up your stamina or strength or…"

"Matt…"

"You're the one who always told me…"

"I don't need a damn lecture!" Severide hisses once more, this time two heads popping up to check out what the gruff outburst was all about. But he gives them a small wave with his hand to let them know it wasn't anything to be really worried about and to go back about their business – sleeping. And leave him to his. "Why did you come here? So you can appease your conscience by getting me to come home so that you can tell yourself you're helping your grieving friend when in reality you've hardly noticed!"

"That isn't fair," Casey tries to rebut in his defense. "I do care. You know that. Just right now things are…"

"All sunshine and roses for you?" Severide retorts bitterly as his eyes threaten to water with angry tears. "That's great…that's just damn great! I'm so glad everything's working out for you!"

Casey looks at the tormented expression on Severide's face and knows that he's too raw from emotional pain and anything he'd try to offer in his defense right now would just be met with bitter force and opposition. "Okay," Casey replies in a soft whisper as his hands rest on his knees and he slowly pushes himself upright. "See you at shift."

Severide watches Casey take his leave and feels his heart sink and his very frame sag further into the small bed he's sleeping in. _Matt, I'm sorry…ah damn he just doesn't get it! _You're afraid to lose another friend. Shay's death just compounded the fear you still haven't come to terms with – losing all those you get close to. Your father left when you were young. Your best childhood friend died in a fire. Your best adult friend died…on the job. And now…you want to push Lindsay away…Casey away to keep yourself safe someone else you care about.

With that tormented thought swirling in his mind, Severide tries to settle back into the small bed but knows that sleep would be moot. How could he tell Casey that he was just trying to keep his distance to keep himself sane? The only thing he could do now is close his eyes and pray the day passes by without incident and that after shift, he'd take Casey for a beer and tell him everything.

That plan would not go as he would want.

XXXXXXXX

The call to the fire wasn't routine, or out of the ordinary. But today it would be. Very much out of the ordinary. Severide watches Casey hop into the front of Truck 81 and tells himself that they would just need a few days to cool down and then Casey would get back to worrying about his own life and he could get back to running his the way he sees fit.

He just shakes his head as he waits for Tony to hurry up and get behind the wheel, Squad 3 leaving a little bit later than Truck 81. _It's not a damn race, _Severide's mind inwardly growls as Squad truck 3 pulls out of the large bay doors; a few minutes behind truck 81. On the drive there, Severide's mind thinks about the last few days and the growing tension with Casey and just inside his mind in general.

He looks down for a few split seconds but when he looks up, his eyes can only widen in horror and he is frozen in time before he even thinks about reaching for the radio.

"MATT!" Severide's mind shouts in horror as he watches truck 66 slam into Casey's side and truck 81 start to teeter onto its side, slam onto the concrete and slide a few meters. His mind instantly flashes him images of the unthinkable – he had just watched Casey die before his eyes.

_Oh God no…no no no…not another…not Matt! Please God no…not another one…I can't lose another one…not another person I care about…NOOOOOOOOOOO_

Severide's mind races with panicked thoughts as he growls at Tony to move in closer. _Truck 81…this…this can't be…_his mind chants over and over as his fingers curl in and out. He thinks back to the argument earlier in that day and he feels his face wince heavily.

_"Mayday! Mayday! This is Squad 3! Truck 81 and truck 66 have collided! Truck 81 and 88 are out of commission!"_

He can just imagine the 9-11 calls as they go in right now. He tells himself that sometimes people who call in accident scenes make them sound worse but inside his mind and heart he knows that a fire truck tipping over isn't something that just gives the men inside a few scrapes and bruises. It would depend on which side it tips over the nature and depth of the injuries. _If Casey hit his head again…this can't be happening…oh damn this can't be happening…_

But as soon as his truck safely stops and he gets out, his heart nearly explodes and his eyes just stare at the vehicular carnage in disbelief. He tries to move closer but his legs won't move; his heart rate rising. _MATT!_

"Oh my God…" Severide whispers in horror as he finally starts to move forward; his mind racing with horror that he'll climb atop truck 81 only to see Casey lying motionless in a pool of his own blood. It wasn't that he didn't care about the others but he knows that his Squad team is more than capable of fanning out and checking on the others.

"Casey!" Severide shouts as he hurries toward the large fire truck flipped over on its side. "Oh my God…" he mutters again as his boots crunch on bits of glass and metallic debris. "Casey!" Severide calls out again as his heart starts to beat faster. _No…no…NO! _His mind yells silently as he starts to climb atop the front of Truck 81, anxious to get up to the top the mangled fire truck and check on the status of the occupants.

Just as he nears the top he hears soft moans and grunts and his heart rate starts to climb. Severide finally reaches the top and holds his breath as he dares to look over the edge, his mind praying that they were all alive. _No more deaths today! _

_"Casey! You okay?"_

He hears the soft croak just as he looks over and looks down just as Casey looks up. He offers a quick prayer of thanks as he extends his hand. "You okay?" He asks in haste.

_"Yeah…_think…so," Casey answers with a tormented grunt as his hands reach up to grasp Severide's to help him out of the busted truck cabin. Casey's lips emit a painful gasp and the sound rips right through Severide causing him to pause in his rescue efforts.

"Did you hit your head?" Severide asks as he gently pulls Casey from the cabin and helps him to slide down to the ground.

"Uh…no…a little but nothing bad, Kelly…"

"Your head! How is it?" Severide asks gruffly.

"Fine!" Casey replies back with a small huff. "I'm fine. Just a few cuts and scrapes," Casey replies with a small wince as he feels a pang in his shoulder from where the seatbelt jerked him roughly.

"Who the hell's idea was it to…" Severide starts with a sharp growl before his faces softens as Casey offers him a defeated expression.

"That's Boden's question," Casey counters in sarcasm.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Matt look at me," Severide demands in a low tone under his breath; taking a few extra seconds to check on his friend. "Are you okay?"

"I will be. We gotta get Mouch and Cruz out," Casey tells Severide firmly. Severide looks at Casey and for a few split seconds is whisked back in time to another tense fire situation just after they had gotten back a month after Andy's death. He recalls seeing Casey's motionless frame after it had fallen through the floor, climbed down and asked if he was okay as soon as he came to. Despite the fact that Hermann was lying beside him motionless, his first concern was to make sure Casey was okay. Time had passed but if anything that concern had only gained strength.

Knowing that Casey's okay, Severide's mind is now forced to deal with the fact that Casey's walking around and _appears_ fine and then wages a battle to know how they had gotten into an accident with another fire truck of all things. But he holds back his anger as he knows it wasn't the place or time to get into a scolding session – no matter how well intentioned.

After the scene had all been taken care of as best it could; only the trucks left for the large tow-truck to come and carefully haul away and the seriously injured en route to Lakeshore. Casey's head throbs and the only thing he wants is to get back to the Firehouse, have a shower and then head home to relax and unwind. That plan would be moot.

Casey looks to the right and sees Severide's intent gaze watching as he wipes his face and smears a few little blood droplets from his cheek to his forehead. But it's not until he rubs his temple that Severide finally pulls himself away from the quiet carnage and nears him in concern.

"Did you hit your head?" Severide nods to the cut above Casey's right eye.

"I'm more worried about who's getting their ass kicked after all this," Casey shakes his head as he looks at the mangled trucks. "Welch is fingering Cruz. I think Molina won't pull through. Mills is sick and…and this is as bad as it gets," he huffs as he turns around and looks at Severide's wondering glance. "What?"

"You're right…go back to 51 and worry about who gets their ass kicked," Severide states sourly as he turns and heads toward his waiting truck.

"What the hell?" Casey mutters under his breath as he takes a few strides and catches up to Severide, taking his arm and turning him around. "What was that?"

"It was nothing. Let's just get this mess cleaned up and get back to base."

And before Casey can say anything else, Severide pulls away and heads toward the front passenger side of Squad truck 3; Mills already on his way to Lakeshore to be checked out for his sudden fainting spell. Severide gets in and slams the door shut, looking at Casey's somewhat defeated expression and feeling his heart droop.

"Severide?" Tony asks softly.

"Just drive," Severide retorts with a small hiss as his hand slaps the side of the truck, prompting Casey to look up and grit his teeth.

It seems like a very slow painful until Casey makes it back to Firehouse 51 and is done with Boden. He slowly trudges into the men's bathroom to wash his face of the blood and dirt and then change into something that doesn't reek of death and destruction before he heads for home – the rest of the shift cancelled as per Boden's orders.

But just as he turns on the cold water, he looks up to see Severide enter and pauses in his activity. "Back for round two?" Casey asks with a tired sigh as he reaches for a paper towel to rub his face.

"Make sure that's wet first."

"Oh suddenly you care?" Casey retorts angrily. "Back there all you were interested in doing was pointing fingers and who to string up!"

"Yeah? And did you volunteer to be the sacrificial lamb?" Severide tosses back at him.

"I didn't have to! Are you done there?" Casey lightly snaps as he starts to rub the blood from his face, gently opening the cut on his lip again and forcing Severide to step up and yank the rough object from his grasp. "What the…"

"At least wet it!" Severide growls as he tries to pull it away.

"I don't care!" Casey growls back as he rips the paper towel and then tosses the shreds to the floor while Severide grabs another puts some cold water on the paper towel and then hands it back to Casey.

"I do!" Severide argues back for a few seconds before his expression instantly softens when Casey offers his trademark frown and small pout.

"There! It won't hurt as much," his voice drops to a softer level.

"Thanks," Casey answers with a sigh as he turns back to the mirror and starts to clean the blood off his face, Severide watching intently. But when Casey's fingers merely smear the blood further, Severide's lips emit a small sigh, motivating him to step up and take over. "What?" Casey asks in exasperation.

"Hold on," he huffs as he takes the damp cloth from Casey's grasp and then starts to clean the blood from his forehead. His eyes drops to Casey's who watch with silent intent before looking back up and finishing his task. "There."

"Thanks," Casey repeats as he looks at Severide in remorse. "My head is fine. Hard as ever."

"Heard that before."

"Kelly…my head is fine."

"Good," Severide responds curtly but doesn't leave, prompting Casey to stop and look at him in wonder. But the longer Casey looks at him the faster Severide's thick exterior starts to soften and within seconds his eyes threaten to water.

"What is going on?" Casey gently prods. "Come on. It's just us. Back at the scene…that wasn't you. What happened?"

"It's nothing."

But Casey doesn't buy it and looks at Severide with a small glare; Severide shaking his head and confess a few seconds later.

"When I saw that truck go over…" his voice dies out as his head shakes. "It's just that um…I thought I lost another friend you know? _Can't do another funeral in the line of duty. _Not another."

Casey's mind finally starts to ponder the _real_ reason why Severide reacted the way he did when he first arrived on scene, it was too soon after Shay's death to watch another friend die in the lie of duty. And he couldn't imagine what it must have been like for Severide to watch them getting hit and then going over.

"Can't lose another," Severide whispers as he quickly wipes his eyes and sets his jaw. "You want to know what pissed me off back at the scene? It was the feeling that once again life was showing me that…"

"That it's too short and we need to appreciate every moment we have?" Casey interjects.

"No," Severide replies bitterly. "It shows me that I'm…"

"No," Casey quickly interjects. "That accident wasn't your fault."

"It was connected to 51!"

"It was just bad timing on the part of both drivers!" Casey tosses back as Severide's lips emit a frustrated growl.

"Someone's to blame!"

"Not you. Maybe the buck will stop with me this time but you have to stop thinking this is your fault. We don't have all the answers yet."

"And that makes a difference? You nearly died! Molina's on life support! Don't you get it?" Severide's tone raises to a half shout before dropping back down. "Don't you…see…" Severide's tone morphs into a sad whimper.

"I'm fine okay? A few bumps and bruises but…I'm fine," Casey insists as he nears his tormented friend. "You're not the only one that worries about our friendship but I think I know why now you've been pushing everyone who cares about you away."

"Matt…"

"Have you been with Lindsay all week as you said?"

"That isn't fair!"

"You're afraid to get close because you don't want to feel the pain of losing someone again. Is that why you don't come home? Why you isolate yourself after shift? Why you've been withdrawn?"

"I…"

"And your flippant attitude here? That's why right? To try to prove to yourself that you don't care? But that changed today when you saw the truck go over. You couldn't hide your emotions all the time. Tell me I'm right!"

"You're right!"

"Kelly…"

"I…" Severide starts and then stops and nods in resignation. "I am afraid of that. Okay fine! You're right…you're…right," he admits with a heavy sigh as he leans against the tiled wall of the men's washroom, looking at Casey in sorrow. "I don't want to lose another friend…and when that truck went over…and when it slid…and when you didn't answer at first and I saw the blood I just…I saw Shay lying there and…and it was the worst feeling all over again. Lost another friend. Can't um…can't do it again, you know?"

"I know," Casey agrees softly.

"So yes you're right, being alone is easier. Pushing everyone away so I don't have to deal with the pain of losing someone else I care about is easier! Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"It's the truth!"

"Ah well the damn truth hurts!"

"Maybe but it's not what Shay would have wanted or what's best for you. Casey knows best," he adds in a lighter tone; Severide's hardened jaw finally softening. "You being alone all the time is just going to eat away at you until it drives you to do something you'll probably regret. I don't want that either. You think I want to lose another friend? I watched Andy die. Watched him get consumed by that fireball. I held Hallie's dead body in my arms. I had to pull Shay's dead body from your grasp. You think I want to go through that again either?" Casey's tone also rises. "Mouch…Mills…Molina…all of them…today was another reminder of the dangers we face on a daily basis and…"

"You're right? So why bother getting close to anyone!"

"So being alone all the time is better?" Casey tosses back firmly.

"Ahhh," Severide groans as he looks away and then back at Casey's expectant expression. "Just…I don't mean to make light of what happened today but I nearly lost another friend today. Matt…I don't know if I can take it anymore."

Casey nears his friend and rests his hand on his shoulder and offers a sympathetic smile before his expression turns serious again. "But you didn't."

Severide's watery gaze lifts just as a tear escapes and starts to slide down his cheek. Casey's hands reach for a paper towel, slightly dampen it and hands it to his friend to wipe his face with. "Won't hurt as much if it's wet," he tells Severide as Severide's lips offer a slight smirk as he reaches for it.

"Smart ass," he whispers as they both lightly chuckle.

"I know today was hell, was for me too, now I'm left wondering the fate of my crew," Casey confesses heavily. "I have to go back out there and face the firing squad over this. But more importantly I don't want to go home tonight knowing that you're going to spend another night in the firehouse or in some two bit motel because you're afraid to come home because you're afraid of something that might never happen."

"Matt…"

"No. Today was a close call but I'm fine, okay? I'm fine. Don't dwell on what if's…I'm fine. Please Kelly…don't think you have to face this alone because you don't okay? I'm here. I care about you and I don't want you to face this alone. Okay?"

"Since when did little brothers get so smart?" Severide tosses out in sarcasm.

"Well we do listen to _a few things _big brothers tell us," Casey replies with a grin.

"Speaking of listening. After Boden's finished kicking someone's ass over the accident, how about we go down to Molly's and I buy you a beer?" Severide inquires as he pats Casey on the back.

"I think I'll need it," Casey huffs as they prepare to leave the bathroom.

"And after that we'll take you home to look at that shoulder."

"Kelly…"

"Aren't you done arguing with me yet?" Severide retorts lightly.

The two of them exit into the hallway; both glad that the tense air between them had been attacked and the root cause of the problem – Severide's fear of losing another beloved friend – was brought to light. Casey can only hope that Severide takes to heart his words and comes back to his home so that he'll know that he's not alone in this fight to regain his emotional stability. The door closes and despite the tension of the day, both are thinking one thing and one thing only:

_I don't want to lose another._

**THE END!**

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><p><strong>AN:** So I wasn't sure I was going to write a OS this week and still waffling on the idea of a multi-chapter story (or two) so please do review before you go and let me know if you liked this angsty little OS and if you'd support a new story and thanks so much!


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